Day at the Office

6:00 A.M.


Showed up at work. Damn, Benny beat me here. But hell, I got the better parking spot!





As soon as I walked in, One-Tooth asked me to do her a favor. "Barlow. Listen. I know you just got here, but I really need you to go back outside, where it's cold, and drive over to the McAdoo Fitness Center. Some junkslut called saying there are two humvees in the parking lot over there, and it'd do you some good to go see which ones they are."





"Look here, One-Tooth. I just got here, and already you expect me to do something for you? I'm not a hard worker, and I'm not gonna pretend to be. So how about you go floss your one tooth and go to Hell?"





One-Tooth bowed before my greatness and apologized sincerely. "Please forgive me! I didn't mean to upset you, I was just..."





"You were just what? Being a dumb idiot? Yeah. You were. But you know what? Your apology has moved me deeply. I suppose I could go out there, into the cold, dark morning air and check on your precious humvees."





"Oh praise you, Barlow! Praise your greatness!"





6:05 A.M.

I got back into my purple Neon, or the "Death Chariot" as I like to call it, and proceeded to drive on over to the McAdoo Fitness Center. Lo and behold, as I turned into the parking lot, I could sense that One-Tooth had made a bad call. Still, I continued to weave my way through the lot, searching for any sign of a dumb boxy truck.

No sign.

What a dumb bitch.

6:10 A.M.

"YOU!"

"Please don't hurt me!" One-Tooth pleaded. "I swear I'll never make another mistake as long as I live!"

"That won't cut it. You knew all along there was no humvee over at the McAdoo Fitness Center. You just wanted to keep me away from the building so I wouldn't catch on to your money laundering scheme!"

"I--I gotta go... I left my electric blanket on and the dorms are probably on fire now..." Her beady little eyes shifted toward the door. "I should probably go check on it..."

"Oh hell no, bitch! You're staying right here until your shift is over, and I'm gonna make sure that during that time, you'll wish you were dead." I grabbed her by her throat and threw her back into her dispatcher's chair.

She looked up at me in dispair. "Y-y-yessir, Mister Barlow."

I left her alone until...