"Get the fuck out of my way!"

I turned to witness the fattest woman I've ever seen in my life, clutching a greasy chicken leg, galloping in my general direction. I, of course, stood my ground. Why should I get out of her way? If she wasn't so fat, she wouldn't need so many people to move for her.

I wish I HAD moved.

The fatty collided with me, knocking me instantly to the ground. Her beastly mass landed squarely on my chest, breaking five of my ribs. The pain was unsurpassable.

Despite the pain and injured body, my incredible strength granted me the ability to roll her colossal 400-pound body onto the ground next to me. I looked down at myself and noticed that my shirt was masked by a thick layer of blood. Upon further investigation, it became obvious that all five ribs had punctured my skin, leaking pint after pint of crimson blood onto the beige marble floor of the South Bend Police Department.

"Delta Six Sixer, this is Adam Twelve Niner Seventeen. Be advised, we've got a bleeder on the marble floor." A German-looking cop came toward me carrying ten dozen donuts in his arms. As he approached me, he knelt down and advanced with caution. "It's okay, sir. No one's gonna hurt you. We have the most professional professionals on hand for just this kind of situation."

I tried to believe him, but I just couldn't. The way he held those donuts without dropping a single one... it was enough to send me into a crazed state of mind. This, in turn, sent me into a crazed state of being.

I detached one of my shattered ribs, waving it in front of me in desperation. "You'll never take me alive!"

Adam Twelve Niner Seventeen quickly retrogressed into a corner. "Be careful now, boy, we just want to help you..." At this point, about twelve paramedics danced onto the scene with six stretchers, each stretcher being wheeled in my two men. I took this fantastic opportunity to lunge toward a pair-o-paramedics, each foot to a man's throat. I landed handsomely onto the stretcher appointed to these men and glided, not unlike a magnificent falcon, along the marble floor. Adam Twelve Niner Seventeen decided to be an asshole and wedged his nightstick between the marble floor and a wheel of my glorious metal mount. I flew the fuck off and hit my head against the fucking wall GODDAMMIT AAARGGGHHHHH and here I am bleeding on the ground AGAIN ...motherfucker... I'm... dying... *siiiiiiiigghhhhhhhh of deeeaaattthhhhh*